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This month has been all about Holiday themed stuff, so it goes without saying, today’s personal essay, should be my very own personal Christmas story. (It’s also an excerpt from my memoir. whoops!) 🙂 It’s really, really short, but it’s a memory about Christmas. Here it is:

The one year anniversary of Bj’s death had just passed and suddenly it was the Holiday season. Halloween was spent in a slutty costume with blurred vision at a fraternity party. Thanksgiving was spent with my Dad’s side of the family, also with blurred vision and stained red teeth. Now, it was Christmas time.
We always spent Christmas Eve with my Mom’s family, so as I woke that morning I was already looking forward to a night of anxiety, karaoke, and liquor. Since it was Winter break I was already at my Grandpa’s house, where my parents were living at the time. I figured it was time to start drinking, so I rolled out of bed with my phone in hand, walked out of my yellow room, and headed downstairs to make myself a mimosa. By the time I had my first mimosa in hand, I continued my morning ritual and checked my Facebook.
Plastered everywhere were statuses that read “RIP Doug” and similar captioned photos of him. I paused for a moment and thought of Cj. Doug was Cj’s best friend and I knew he’d be devastated. Since I already knew what it felt like to lose someone close to me, I knew I could help him grieve.
I drafted out a text but didn’t send it until later that night after countless mimosas, two margaritas, a shot of Jager, and two glasses of red wine. We spent the rest of the holiday texting one another. In between karaoke songs and gift exchanges, I would send him lengthy texts about how to grieve and he would respond negatively. Eventually, we left the grieving behind and talked about old memories. We had discussions of old drunken fights and times hooking up in church parking lots. We finally decided we needed to hang out. Catch up, just like old times.

The Holidays are an interesting time of year. It’s a cocktail of joyous times and celebrations, mixed with equal parts anxiety and grief. I was reminded of this last night. My Mom, my girlfriend, and our furry babies, and I cuddled up on our couch to watch a Christmas movie.

We watched Almost Christmas. It was a funny movie, but I was left with a soaked face throughout the movie. It’s the family’s first Christmas spent together with the loss of a very important family member. It speaks so close to viewers who are experiencing the same. I highly suggest watching it! You can find it on Netflix.

The loss of life, young or old, can make for a difficult time of year during the Holidays. Let’s remember those affected by grief and be kind to them. Let’s send well wishes to those people spending the Holidays resting in peace. And for all alive and well, let’s hug them tight and give them so much love. ❤

I won’t be posting on Monday so I can spend the day with my loved ones. I’ll be back next Wednesday! Happy Holidays!

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